This is the hard blog post to write. As I sit, Carrie is sedated on the bed next to me. She has eclampsia, a condition where the placenta attached to the baby is malfunctioning. It causes high blood pressure in mama and few nutrients to get to the baby.

Yesterday (Tuesday) morning, Carrie had a seizure. It was determined that the seizure was due to high blood pressure that Carrie has been struggling with the last few days. Upon further investigation, Carrie’s high blood pressure was coming from pre-eclampsia.

They also discovered that Carrie has blood clots in her heart, forming at the tips of the PICC line. This is a potentially devistating complication of Covid. If those clots become dislodged, they could do severe damage to Carrie’s lungs, brain, organs or limbs.

It was quickly determined that Carrie’s condition was far more complicated than our small town hospital was ready to handle. Yesterday afternoon we were transferred to Baylor University Medical Center in Dallas.

The team at Baylor got to work right away. The initial plan was to try to dissolve the clots in her heart, and stablize the pre-eclampsia symptoms for long enough to be able to get Jeremiah stable and deliver him as soon as he was viable outside the womb.

After a long night of attempting to stabilize Carrie’s high blood pressure, it became apparent that the biggest threat to Carrie’s health was when pre-eclampsia became eclampsia. There is only one cure for eclampsia: delivery.

Detailed ultrasounds were done this morning by several different OB/GYN specialists, faculty members at Baylor here. They discovered that Jeremiah was severely underweight and undersize for his age. At almost 23 weeks and 255 grams, he simply cannot be placed in NICU. The tools that they have for NICU babies don’t even go that small. He measures at 19 weeks – the age that he was when Carrie was intubated.

We are losing our son.

As I sit now, Carrie has been induced. She has had an epidural placed, and we are waiting.

Today we sat together all day with this news. We’ve prayed until the tears ran dry. We’ve prayed with the hospital chaplain. We’ve prayed with some of you on the phone. But sometime tonight, Jeremiah will be delivered into this world and immediately be received back into the arms of God.

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

Matthew 11:28-30

Once Carrie has delivered, they will then start the aggressive clot dissolving drugs. They carry some risk for Carrie, especially if her blood pressure goes up. It will have to be meticulously monitored. She will be on blood thinners for some time, even after coming home. But Carrie should still make a full recovery.

I do apologize for the cryptic Facebook posts and lack of information. I have spent these last two days wholly at Carrie’s side. Outside of these complications, she is recovering. She continues to detox from the intubation meds. Her throat is very sore, she can barely swallow, and just today her voice finally started to return. Her body will heal, and I can see improvement every day.

What will take far longer to heal is our hearts. All of our love has gone into Jeremiah, preparing and looking forward to his arrival. It will be very different when we go home now. We’ll have to put aside the plans we had, the things we’ve bought, and the idea that now was the time we were starting a family.

I don’t know how tonight will go. It will involve floods of tears. It will be hard. This is already the most difficult thing I’ve ever faced in my life. I won’t make it without the presence of God in this room with us.

Please continue praying friends. Pray for us during this very difficult challenge tonight. Pray that we can pick ourselves back up and move forward with life. Pray that Carrie and I can withstand this storm together and be strong for each other. Pray that when I hold my son tonight for the first and last time, that I’ll be comforted knowing that he’ll suffer little before he is brought to foot of Jesus, whole and healed.

And please pray for Carrie’s healing. The next 24 hours are so critical for her. And they will be gruelling on her. She must give birth, then immediately be treated for the clots in her heart. It is so very possible that she makes it through with no more complications. We know she is a fighter. I love her so much though. I can’t bear to see her in so much physical and emotional pain.

This is hard, friends. This is really hard.