My visit to see Carrie today still just breaks my heart. She is stable, still with no complications. But she just isn’t improving today the way I’ve seen in the past few days. Her oxygen is fluctuating again, and her ventilator settings had to go back up.

I guess the nurses have a name for this – they call it riding the Covid roller coaster. Covid recovery isn’t linear, its more of an up and down kind of thing. We’ve already seen this with Carrie, she does very well for a few days, then plateaus for a few days. We seem to be in the second round of plateaus.

Again I went into her room to be by her bedside. All suited up in PPE, she didn’t open her eyes for me today. She did nod her head to my questions though. I asked her if she knew how much I loved her, and she nodded her head yes. I asked her if she remembered me coming yesterday, and again she nodded her head yes. I told her how much I was looking forward to the day she could come home.

I keep having to remind myself that we serve an awesome God who is healing Carrie every day, even on days that it doesn’t feel like it. I keep finding myself impatient with this process and praying that God will heal her instantly, but so far God hasn’t said yes. I, too, need more healing.

Trust in the Lord forever, for the Lord God is an everlasting rock.

Isaiah 26:4

Carrie’s oxygen support varied between 60-70% today. Her ventilator pressure support (PEEP) is currently at a 10, though has been as low as a 7. The nurse tells me that the increase is mostly due to ensuring that Jeremiah is getting enough oxygen too. But they won’t attempt to test her readiness to come off the ventilator until her numbers come back down again.

Once again today, I asked the nurse to note in Carrie’s chart that I think it would be more helpful at their next attempt if I was present. The process is uncomfortable and feels a bit like you’re suffocating, with a tube down your throat. When they attempted it with Carrie yesterday, they said her anxiety was very high. Its one of the reasons they abandoned the attempt and didn’t end up extubating her. I think if I was there with her, she might do better. The nurse agreed, and I hope they call me.

Her kidneys do show some signs of healing, though they will continue dialysis a bit longer. She’s producing more urine, and doesn’t look like she’s retaining nearly as much fluid.

The nurse today was absolutely adorable about Jeremiah. She tried to do a doppler scan to hear his heartbeat. Of course we know already, Jeremiah doesn’t much show up for the doppler. So Carrie’s nurse went to go get the ultrasound machine, and got all excited to see him doing his usual somersaults. She told me, “You’re going to have your hands full, daddy.” I’ll take him any way he comes.

Please continue to pray for Carrie’s improvement. These plateau days make me nervous, I worry about complications, or that she may get worse before she gets better. Continue to pray for Jeremiah’s protection, and that he’ll continue growing healthy and staying strong. Pray above all that soon we will be able to come together again as a happy, healthy family.

Thank you for your prayers for me as well. I slept a full night last night – perhaps the first time that’s happened in weeks. Today I’ve eaten, showered, and even cleaned house a little. But I can tell you that I am worn out now.

And thank you for showering Carrie, Jeremiah, and me with love. There are so many of you sending cards, encouraging messages, and donations…some of you who I have never met. Your love is felt wide and strong, and I so appreciate your willingness to be the hands of God right now.