Yesterday at my visit to the hospital to see Carrie, I asked Nurse Ashley when she thought Carrie would be past the infectious stage of the disease. I didn’t ask to go into Carrie’s room. The nurse answered that Carrie would be in isolation until she was released from the hospital. That is Covid protocol. But Nurse Ashley knew what I wanted.

Today when I came to visit, Nurse Ashley was working in Carrie’s room. She saw me wave from the window, and came over to the door. Then she did something completely unexpected…she asked me if I wanted to come in and sit by Carrie. Dumbfounded, I nodded my head yes with big eyes and the total excitement of a little boy.

Another nurse came and helped me get on the gown, gloves, goggles, and a special mask. Once all suited up, they took me to her bedside. A chair waited for me there, but I didn’t sit. I got myself as close to her ear as I could and told her how much I loved her. I told her how much I missed her, and how very proud I was of her for how hard she was fighting. I told her how much I’d cuddle her when she gets home, like she loves so much. And I told her I was waiting right there beside her for her to heal and come home. I held her hand. I ran my fingers through her hair like she loves so much. And I put my hand over her belly to give Jeremiah some love too.

Under those goggles and masks and all of that personal protection equipment, I just wept. Nothing is worse today at all, Carrie is improving. But just maybe then I had a reality moment where I felt emotions that I was still fighting. I’m still trying to be strong for my wife. I’m still trying to pretend like its okay for her. And for a short time today as I stood by my wife’s bedside, wrapped in plastic like the Michelin man, it was okay for me to not be okay.

Carrie is doing well today. She didn’t see the great strides in improvement that she did yesterday, but her oxygen support level was lowered to 50%. Her pressure level remains at 8, though they had her on 7 for some time today. They told me that by the end of dialysis yesterday that she wasn’t tolerating it well, a sign they took to mean that she wasn’t in need of it at that time. They’ve decided to let her rest from the dialysis for today and tomorrow, and see what her kidneys can do on their own.

Jeremiah is doing just as good as ever. I had hoped to feel the little guy when I put my hand on Carrie’s tummy, but he might just be a bit small yet at almost 21 weeks. Or maybe he was taking a nap. I figure with all those somersaults and things he’s doing, he has to get tired sometime.

Carrie was also more active today. She opened her eyes a little and glanced my way for a moment, then fell back asleep. I’d like to know that she won’t remember any of this when she wakes up. But if she is conscious of anything going on now, I hope she knows I was right there beside her, loving on her. I think she’s fighting the drugs now, and I pray she continues to fight hard to heal.

Please pray for continued improvement and movement toward getting off the ventilator. It seems like the healing happens for two or three days, and then she rests for a few days before improvement begins again. Please continue to pray that her kidneys heal quickly and she won’t have to endure the awful dialysis machine much longer. Have you seen The Princess Bride? The dialysis machine is kind of like that thing they have in the Pit of Despair. Only some how, dialysis makes you better, not worse.

And please continue prayers for me. I could use some sleep. I could probably stand to be a little better about personal care at this point. And as the fear of losing Carrie and Jeremiah gently fades, I find myself feeling increasingly depleted.

Thank you all for the continued prayers, encouragement, and support. Know that I have so much gratitude and love for y’all. Know that I appreciate every prayer, kind word, card sent, or donation made in ways words can’t express. Y’all are increasingly becoming answers to my own prayers.